Running Versus Resting by Sabrina Florey

Hi, and welcome back to the Fellows’ blog! I can not believe it is already October, and the time to share some of what I’ve learned and am continuing to learn in my walk with Christ has come. Truthfully, I didn’t want to write this blog. Assessing how I’m feeling and vulnerably processing those emotions are still not favorite activities of mine. But I am learning the beauty of these processes. 

A habit that has been ingrained in me is running. I love the physical act of running, the feeling endorphins provide, the accomplishment it yields, the challenge it brings, and the joy I feel while spending time outside. I am also prone to mental running - the struggle to stay present as my mind is already sprinting to the next moment or big adventure. For years, and even now, this has been a major coping mechanism of mine; to never have to sit in any suffering, insecurities, failures, or disappointments. Before any of those feelings have a moment to set in I’m already onto the next success, friendship, or moment of laughter. Through growth in my relationship with God, I have seen the reality of where this mental running leads. This mental running leaves me empty, distorts my view of suffering, lessens my ability to grow, pulls me out of deeper relationship, and most of all, leaves me with very little space to rest in Christ. 

This habit of mental running is not an easy one to part with. Mental running feels comfortable for me, and can also feel significantly more productive than sitting. I often think a running to-do list is the best way to avoid wasting a moment. As I end each day longing for the next accomplishment burst, I see how my idolized to-do lists will never bring ultimate peace or control. I never want to stop for the fear that I might miss a moment. My current juxtaposition is that this fear actually leads to purposeless running and missing many more moments with the Creator of all good things. One of our Fellows discussions that brought me to this place was from our study of “Life Together” by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He mentions that a lack of solitude (resting with the Father) actually inhibits a community. Whereas the life-giving rest with Him, leads to vibrant community. 

One of our teachers this year mentioned that he had a habit of “placing a Romans 8:28 bandaid over all of his problems”. (“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”). This was convicting. As true as the verse is about our Lord’s sovereignty, it was a needed wake-up call to the fact that I was using this verse for healing rather than actually walking with our healer. I am thankful for a God that is with us in our suffering and calls us to rest in Him. 

It is a growing process; teaching someone who longs to run the value of sitting, walking, and resting, but I have seen the love of my Father more through these practices. I see His heart and His desire for me to be with Him. I see my great need for Him and the reminder that I do not have to keep it all together. Rest is a command, and it’s for our good. He designed us with a need for rest. I believe there is a parallel between our need for sleep and our need for rest in Him. I am humbled by the truth that He continues to turn the world even when I am physically and mentally resting. 

I am learning how to rest in the work that Christ accomplished at the cross, not in my own doing. I’m learning that while I see the end destination as the goal, Christ sees the walk with Him as infinitely more desirable. I’m learning how His healing is much more significant to those who see their deep wounds. Lastly, I’m learning how His rest is more desirable to those who are aware of their deep need for rest. 

I am so thankful for what the Lord has taught me already through this sweet fourteen person community (including our incredible Theresa :) ). They challenge me more than they realize, simply through their intentional lives. I am thankful for the authenticity shared in this community and the ways we are learning to live life together both through the hard and the wonderful. I am continuing to pray that I would seek the face of God more than the hand of God, and ultimately find rest in all that He has done once and for all.