Manna From Heaven and Mercies New: by Anna Brown
Over the past month, I’ve been spending time most mornings reading the book of Exodus. It’s been a while since I’ve read the story of God’s rescue of the Israelites in detail, and I have been astonished by how much I have been able to relate to the story. Although I am not escaping the Egyptian army, I am undergoing a major life transition. Joining the Fellows Program has meant leaving behind everything I have known and stepping out in faith, trusting that God is leading me where I need to go.
Although following God’s lead sounds like a really nice idea, I’m learning as I read Exodus that, for the Israelites, it was actually really messy. The Israelites continually saw God come through on their behalf, but as soon as they hit a bump in the road, they complained and grumbled and became convinced that God had forgotten them.
In the same way, the first month of the Fellows program has felt like a series of bumps in the road. Moving to a new city, figuring out new friendship dynamics, adjusting to a crazy full schedule, and learning how to live as a community in a pandemic has honestly been really hard. When I am exhausted and reach the end of my rope, it is too easy to doubt that God is really on my side here in Nashville. When I reach that place, I usually begin to complain and grumble and try to take back control of the things that feel uncontrollable.
But at the same time - and this is the crazy part - God still provided for the Israelites even when they met him only with complaining and doubt. He gave them manna, daily bread to meet their needs, so that they could see that his provision and faithfulness towards them was a daily occurrence. One of our teachers in class last week told us that Exodus is sometimes called “the Gospel of the Old Testament” because it shows us that God’s character has always been to be faithful to the faithless and generous to the undeserving.
As I read about God’s generosity towards Israel, I am learning to look for the little ways that God is faithful and generous to me on a daily basis. I’ve started keeping a list on my phone of the small and big ways that I’ve seen the Lord kindness even in the challenging and exhausting day-to-day rhythm of the Fellows. Here’s a few examples:
Talking with a Christ Presbyterian 7th grader who has the same favorite childhood books as me (The Penderwicks and The Mysterious Benedict Society, for those into really good books)
quiet morning runs along the Harpeth River
Late Night Sonic runs for blue powerade slushies
Friday morning coworker affirmations for my job at N.I.F.W.
Cooking new recipes from my favorite cookbook and sharing them with friends
Olivia’s Taylor Swift dance moves
As I continue to look for these moments, I am learning to see how God has been faithful and generous beyond my wildest dreams to bring me here to Nashville. In the hard and the heavy, I’m challenging myself with the words of this prayer from the instagram account @blackliturgies,
“Giver God,
We admit that so often it is easier to want to crawl back to our chains than to hold hope and belief in the wilderness. We are fatigued and our memory wains. What kindness do you possess that you were able to meet the Israelites’ grumbling with provision? Would you demonstrate this same patience and provision to those of us now whose exhaustion speaks only misery over the future? And as you give, make us a people who only collect enough to restore enough each day, that we would never doubt that what you have done once, you will do again and again.”
