My Grace is Sufficient for You: by Brianna Pope

Success has always been something that I’ve earnestly strived toward. I want to be seen as important, needed, and sufficient. I want people to look at me and think “she has it together”. At a young age I rolled up my sleeves and got to work becoming someone that matched the world’s definition of a “good, successful, Christian woman”. For a while I hit a pretty good stride. I was very involved in high school and college and had great friends. My peers saw me as successful. This success convinced me that I could conquer any giant in my way, as long as I was determined and hard working. Then my journey in Nashville began.

 I came into this program believing that life would go well and that I would find success as soon as I moved in. I would be at a new job, in a new city, surrounded by new people. Everything was shiny and new and I was the one who just got to add it to my resume and enjoy the experience. The only thing wrong with this picture - something that I had overlooked -  is that everything IS new, and that with newness come trials. I had no sense of familiarity or comfort. My living situation was new. I didn’t know the people I was living with and so when we didn’t instantly connect or when things got awkward, I would blame myself and assume that I was doing something wrong. My job was new. I entered this new job without knowing how they do things or how they define success, resulting in my boss teaching and then re- teaching me tasks that I thought I would be able to pick up instantly. My boss was so kind and encouraging, reminding me, “Don’t worry, you’re new. I didn’t understand how to do this stuff at first either but you’ll pick it up”. I would smile and outwardly agree with her, but then internally beat myself up and wonder, “why is it taking me so long to pick this up? Why can’t I just understand what to do?” Beyond all of this, I was also in an entirely new city. I struggled getting around and ended up using a GPS to find my way to most places. In reality, relying on a GPS is normal and I had no way of getting around without it, but because I was already feeling so lost and incompetent, having to depend on this tool left me feeling helpless. I started to question whether God really wanted me in Nashville. I was not immediately succeeding, so I assumed I was clearly meant for something else. 

Throughout the following weeks I was able to have more honest and vulnerable conversations with my Fellows class. I began to realize that I wasn’t the only one feeling frustrated or confused, which took me by surprise. You mean I wasn’t the only one struggling in a new state? While this camaraderie comforted me for an hour or so following each conversation, I would still come back to the idea that I should be transitioning into this new season “better”. A part of me believed that God could only use me if I was living a “successful” life. At face-value I know this isn’t true. If anyone else told me that they were struggling with this lie I would assure them that it does not align with God’s truth. So then why couldn’t I shake this pressure from my own mind?

I have a 40 minute commute to work each morning, giving me ample time to either think and reflect…..or to avoid and cover up. Instead of processing all the changes involved in my transition, I would try to distract myself by listening to podcasts and sermons. One morning on my way to work I was listening to a sermon and the speaker said, “there is nothing you can accomplish or add to your resume to be anymore useful to God.” This teaching was a concept that I had casually heard before, but had never thought deeply about. However, on this particular morning the statement stopped me in my tracks. I thought: “God still wants me or wants to use me even if I’m not succeeding?” I continued to ponder this idea and it did create relief, but I still felt frustrated. Throughout the following weeks, I grew more familiar with Nashville, created stronger bonds with the people around me, and became an asset to my job. I started to hit my stride again. 

While I was excited that I was finding my place and was able to finally enjoy the community, I still worried I wasn’t doing enough. I thought that I needed to achieve more, in whatever capacity that looked like. I was chasing an endless cycle of “how busy can I be?” and “what else can I conquer?”. I talked to another Fellow about the issues that I was struggling with and she said, “This is hard. This is hard for everyone, but you’re showing up and that’s enough.” Enough?? Enough has never been a word in my vocabulary, let alone a measure that I use to describe my success. My friend’s wise words brought me such relief. People weren’t expecting more from me, they already thought that what I was doing was good and enough. No one needed me to be more or to do more and God definitely does not need me to be anything other than a willing servant. This idea changed a lot for me and made me remember what the pastor in the sermons said, “There is nothing you can accomplish or add to your resume to be anymore useful to God”. God didn’t need me to hit my stride in high school, be as active on campus in college, or conquer Nashville to be used by him, he just needed me to show up. 

We had a speaker come to class who referenced 2 Corinthians 12:9, which reads, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” This verse has been a wonderful reminder that I am unable to achieve the world’s ridiculous view of success and I will never be able to achieve all that I believe I should, but thank God for that because it is through my faults and my weakness that I am able to see how God is present and working in my life. Then, I get to share that present grace with my community. Everyone in my Fellows class would agree with me when I say that, while this is a hard transition, God has blessed us with so many people, opportunities, and each other. While this is difficult, we are each showing up everyday and that’s enough.