Just Keep Swimming: by Anna Brown
Over the past several months, I’ve picked up a new-ish hobby: swimming. Since November, an injury has prevented me from running (my favorite way to exercise), so I’ve started to swim laps as an injury-free way to get out all of my work-from-home energy. When I started swimming in December, it was honestly pretty embarrassing. I’d put on my bright blue swim cap (the only one I could find at target), get in the water, and slowwwwly swim for 20-30 minutes before I’d need to stop. Better yet, the middle-aged to elderly men who were inevitably in the lane next to me would lap me mercilessly.
Yesterday, I went to the YMCA pool to swim like I do many Saturday mornings. As I swam, I noticed that even though it was still difficult, I was struggling much less and even lapped my neighbor once or twice. I was able to swim longer and faster than I was able to in December, even though I was putting forth about the same amount of effort. Better yet, I was enjoying it. Over time, by swimming lots and lots of laps, my body and mind were strengthened. The activity that once required a lot of effort and discipline is actually becoming fun.
Right now, we’re beginning the final stretch of the Fellows program, and I’ve noticed something similar happening in my Fellows life. Over the past few weeks, I feel like I have “hit my stride” within the Fellows Program. That doesn’t mean that the busy schedule, intense community, and pressures of making decisions for after this year aren’t difficult tasks, but I have noticed myself leaning in to all of these things in a new way. I’ve found a rhythm that works for me including rest and work, community and solitude, enjoying the present and planning for the future. Although I initially struggled to feel connected to my Fellows church community due to COVID, I find that every time I show up on Sunday mornings or Wednesday nights, there are more friendly faces and more deepening relationships. I’ve also taken on a bit more responsibility in my job, and I’ve thrived in the challenge of meeting new tasks with creativity and organization. And I’ve had a lot of fun! As a group, over the past few weeks, the Fellows have marathoned movies, done puzzles on our silent retreat, and gone sledding at 10:00 pm down our apartment’s back hill.
In a way, it’s like this Fellows year has been a year of training or practice. We’ve been stretched beyond our limits in our spiritual lives, in our community, and in the organization and responsibility needed to juggle a busy Fellows schedule with our other commitments. Through it all, we’ve been encouraged to have the discipline and persistence to keep going when things get tough. We’ve had to trust that things that feel hard in the present will pay off in the future, that God is somehow shaping us through the challenges of this year to look more like Jesus. Recently, I read this passage in Hebrews 12, and I felt like it spoke to many of the experiences of my Fellows year:
“7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Although this year has required discipline and persistence, I am beginning to see the many ways that God has been using it to shape me. As I look towards the thought of “life after Fellows,” I am confident that I will see the harvest of righteousness and peace that God began to plant during this year. And better yet, when times get tough again, I will know that I am stronger for the time I spent in the Fellows program, and I will be confident that the Lord will be by my side through it all, training me to share in his holiness. So, until then, I’ll “just keep swimming” for the next two months, enjoying finding my Fellows stride and looking forward to the new challenges I’ll meet starting in May.
