For Abba. Love, Faith
I am continually in the process of learning the Lord’s goodness. The way He loves me teaches me not to hurry. With Him, I find peace before I find answers. Below are a few excerpts from my journal where I explore themes of belonging, fear, and the Father’s generosity during my time (so far!) in the Nashville Fellows Program.
To the God whose love will be my portion
Whose night song will comfort and sustain me
To the God who knows me better than I know myself And gives generously and guides gently
To the God who delights in watching over me Whose sweetness melts my cynicism
To the God who has chosen me over and over And faithfully heals what He did not break
How I love being your girl.
You delight in surprising me with your goodness
I rejoice in living expectantly
Because it is just like you to be generous
In shapes and colors I could not have foreseen or known to ask
It will be my story to sit at your throne
To hear in the sound of your voice
A melody that stills my heart and calls me home
It will be my honor to crawl up into your lap
To be little before you
And with every comfort and boldness, call you Abba.
I will believe you in what to me feels like the most inconvenient of times
When I am tempted to believe otherwise, I will assume you are good
I will doubt my own heart before questioning yours
I will live expectant of your generosity and not disregard the nods of kindness with which you have richly colored my life
I will not weigh success in worldly currencies of wealth and influence
I will trust a minute of silence with you is nourishes my soul more than hours of overanalyzing situations that are yours to resolve
I will trust that when I hear nothing, your silence is grounded in love and not evil That where I long for you to shout and you are quite, wisdom and grace are at work I will surrender the picture of a good life I have painted for myself
That I might not miss out on your heart for me
Abba,
You love in ways deeper than I can know
You fight for me when I, in fear of the unknown. fight against you
You bear my frustrations and ingratitude
Comforting me even in my suspicion of your faithfulness
You hold my hand as I ask you why you let go
You shield me from a thousand threats I never perceive
You invest in my eternity when I calculate life in yearly increments
You are God over my mind when I cannot tame it You love though I accuse you
You love though I forget you
I am a daughter who runs from home
And asks why her father has left her
I am a bride who betrays her love And hides with shame
Yet you place a robe on my shoulders And your ring on my finger
You call me blameless and clothe me in white linen
I answer to no name but what you have called me
And I belong to no one but you
I am Abba’s forever and in the shadow of his wings, I am home I am more free as His than I ever was as my own master
He is my shelter. My refuge. My lifeline. He is steady though everything shifts. He is whole though everything breaks. My hands are never empty holding His
For all the ways you long to be loved, I have already loved you better. -Jesus
Faith Clark Conseca, Class 12
Hometown: Lima, Peru
Wheaton Graduate
