Catching Up and Embracing Grace: by Anna Hoffman
Although there are many things I love (i.e. the color blue), some things I don’t love (i.e. chocolate), one thing I don’t like is having to catch up. To me, when you need to catch up, you are not in the right place at the right time - you are working to get back in line with where you could have been provided with the right knowledge, insight, or ability.
In the midst of the overwhelming excitement and joy of launching this year, I have found myself at times feeling behind and trying to keep up with everything going on. As I reflect on our (almost) month in Nashville, God has been teaching me to embrace His grace and rest in who He is - especially in moments where I find myself playing catch up.
To begin, here’s a candid look at what we have been up to the last few weeks.
Week 1 - Here we go! Opening retreat at the lake. Getting to know each other. John Allen introduced us to his love for The Book of Common Prayer (and lobster) and John Martinsen (aka Fellow John) led us in a morning pilates session like no other.
Week 2 - Grateful. First weekend in Nashville. Exploring the city, pizza, pop-up concert, and a gracious welcome from our friends at St. George’s in the form of downtown parking tips. A warm greeting on our first Sunday at church, beginning no later than when we arrived at the front door.
Week 3 - This is fellows! Monday night roundtable begins and Gretta amazes us with her homemade hummus recipe. First youth group. Fellows movie night, Nashville Sounds game, and Lelia enlightens us on all things baseball.
Week 4 - Don’t forget to go to class! Monday classes start. Learning about church unity and the ecumenical approach at the heart of The Nashville Fellows Program. Youth retreat for the fellows at West End. Molly introduces us to her chocolate chip cookies. Crystal and Emma help welcome Gus (John Allen’s dog) as an irreplaceable member of roundtable dinner.
In addition to these highlights, being new to Nashville has brought it’s fair share of catch-up moments. I got stuck in the elevator at our first youth group not realizing that once you get in the elevator and the doors close, you actually need a key-card to move (and leave the elevator, haha). Several fellows and I have bonded (and laughed) over similar experiences including but not limited to getting lost and receiving some frustrated looks from people while driving.
During these “catch-up” moments where I feel behind and wish that I could adjust more quickly to this new season, I notice that my first inclination is to be frustrated with myself. In response to this, I catch myself resolving to be “more on top of things” and better at managing and adjusting to our schedule and surroundings.
Although this response of leaning on my own strength and ability feels natural, God has instead been teaching me to pause, embrace His grace, and accept His invitation to restful surrender. Contrary to my tendency to collect myself before coming to God, here are two things God is teaching me:
1. God desires to give us rest.
A book that has encouraged me recently is Dane Ortlund’s Gentle and Lowly, which unpacks Matthew 11 where Jesus describes Himself as “gentle and lowly in heart.” This passage is the only place in Scripture where Christ speaks of His own heart, and it invites us to see what God desires for us:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-29
As Ortlund puts it, “You don’t need to unburden or collect yourself and then come to Jesus. Your very burden is what qualifies you to come. No payment is required; he says, “I will give you rest.” His rest is a gift, not transaction.”
Though I am quick to blame myself when I feel inadequate, Jesus instead waits for me with abundant grace and open arms. His desire is to give me rest.
2. God desires to meet us in our deepest need.
I have repeatedly found myself in need of grace (and directions) since getting to Nashville. Just as I at times grow weary of “catching up,” I wonder deep down if Jesus grows weary when I continually make mistakes or choose to rely on myself instead of seeking Him.
But then Matthew 11 jumps in with a different melody, as Gentle and Lowly illustrates that Jesus’ most natural instinct is to move toward sin, not away from it. Ortlund further explains this by saying,
“Jesus doesn’t simply meet us in our time of need, He lives in our place of need. He never tires of sweeping us into His tender embrace...it is His very heart, what gets Him out of bed in the morning.”
I look forward to continuing this fellows year together, embracing grace and the rest that God desires to give.
